To see me shouting for completion of that Hail Mary pass or booing a butter-fingered fumble, you’d never guess that I was once one of those great Fall pretenders: the Football Fraud. And you’d never know that a scant season or two ago my knowledge of football would have fit on the head of a place kicker’s tee. (more about that later).
Converting to footballism isn’t as difficult as you’d think, especially if your Significant Other is the aforementioned fanatic and you’re tired of being outside the huddle when it comes to witty sports repartee, mistaking an interception for interference and thinking the late great Choo-Choo Charlie Justice was a jazz pianist. (He was a famed iconic UNC Tar Heel running back). Here’s what it takes:
Pick a team. College or pro? Your alma mater or the SO’s? This is a choice for a lifetime. So consider it carefully. No waffling allowed. If you’re on the fence, your partner’s pre-determined allegiance and pride may make choosing his beloved college the safest bet.
Look the part. Dress like you mean it. It’s easy since most teams have entire shops full of great gear you can purchase online. Start with a cap, then add a tee shirt and accessorize for your own loyal look and fashion spin. Show the colors and let everyone see you’re really into team fandom.
Learn the language. It’s the true test of a Football Insider when you can decipher illegal shifts, lateral passes and know who’s in the box. And oh yeah, recognize the aforementioned place kicker’s tee. Seriously, there’s an app for that and at 99 cents, it will be your lifesaving guide. Plus, it’s amazing what you can learn while pretending to check your email.
Make great football food, as in tailgating picnics, and you’ll win his heart — as well as those of his buddies — every time. People overlook lots of things if you can come up with great fried chicken, chili, salsa and chips on Game Day.
Watch, listen and learn. Be a keen observer as you watch others watch the game. You can pick up lots of intel simply by viewing how others view what’s happening on the field. When in doubt about that penalty flag, see how fellow fans react before uttering expletives, hurrahs or guffaws.
Take these five easy steps to heart and you’ll survive Game Day by fooling your beloved into thinking you’re a Number #1 Devoted Fan. Just try to remember what team you’re cheering for. That can be a real game-changer! Best advice of all: Have fun and don’t worry. We’ve got you covered.
All books available at amazon.com. Click on title to order.
Football for Beginners: How to Understand Football in Less Than an Hour
by Jack Hicks
Football is For Girls: A Modern Chick’s Guide to Understanding the Game
by Rachel Oliver
Football Made Simple: A Spectator’s Guide
by P.J. Harari
College and Pro football team gear and apparel
available at amazon.com
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